Had a good giggle at a tweet that appeared in my feed this afternoon:
People are so ignorant, it pisses me off. So, in my “ugh, you ignoramus”-ness (and I would just like to take this moment to say that Jeremy said that in mockery of these people, he knows better himself), I hereby present to you my response:
10. Yes, carbohydrate intake is related to increased insulin resistance. However, your cousin did not get it because he couldn’t put down the Twinkies, he got it because of a number of causes, including but not limited to genetics, family history and, as research is showing, some funky factors that control protein synthesis.
9. “A touch of diabetes.” ROFLcopter. You don’t have a touch of diabetes, you either have it or you don’t. If a doctor is telling you that you have a “touch” of anything, I highly recommend you find a new one. Their medical license likely came out of a box of Cracker Jacks.
8. If diabetes could be cured, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Ass.
7. Yes, there are different types of diabetes, the word in the blank tends to be “bad.” There is no good or bad kind of diabetes, they all suck intense donkey nutsack after it has trekked from Galilee to Judea in 100-degree heat. All types carry risks of complications that all suck, and all types require some kind of combination of medication, dietary control and exercise. All diabetes is bad.
6. Yes, I am still able to do one-handed cartwheels while balancing a Dutch apple pie in the other hand and singing Gangham Style while shaking my ass, but thank you for your concern.
5. Really? My first cousin once removed once got on a ship. It sank and he lost his left arm to a shark and died bleeding in the north Atlantic. He also lost his chance at inheriting an earldom and instead it went to a solicitor from Manchester. Lucky bastard.
4. Funny you mention that, because I can always spot a dumbass because they look like a deformed duck with his tongue sticking out and one eye is bigger than the other.
3. I had polio for a while, but I got rid of it by moving to the moon.
2. I don’t miss eating anything. Because the stuff that I’ve made while on low-carb is a hell of a lot tastier than any of the grain-laden crap I was making before I realised that even while on insulin, my blood sugars were roller-coastering when I was eating whatever I want. As an added bonus, I have gotten myself one hella sexy body as a side effect. I’m too sexy for you.
1. LULZ, in addition to the diabetes, I also have a defunct immune system. Which means breathe your SARS on me and I’m dead. Game. Set. Match.
I really hate ignorant people who sit on their asses in their underwear watching Dr. Oz and suddenly think they’re a medical expert (I feel like I’ve said this somewhere else before…). The fact that Dr. Oz is full of shit aside, it takes years of genuine (PEER REVIEWED) research before you can be considered anything even remotely close to an “expert.” Just because your mother/cousin/estranged ex who is in prison for coercing his state representative to lick a metal post in the dead of winter has diabetes does not mean you have a damn clue what you’re talking about. The conversation we just had, that just proved to me that you make Paris Hilton look like a Nobel Prize-winning medical biologist. Why don’t you go drink some ipecac. Trust me, it will make you smarter.